Sunday, 27 May 2012

The sometimes-not-okay side to Slutever

Okay so I have posted on here about how i think the sex blogger Slutever is really great, and empowering in how she talks about sex and is so honest and brave and cool.And for the most part i stand by my comment that she is awesome. But this recent Q&A she did for I dont like mondays made me think ".. really?" (imagine an unimpressed face).

Basically  some guy wrote in about how his 17 year old cousin who was in his words "insanely hot" and he had been "fantasizing about for years" gave him  a BJ then freaked out about it afterwards, and feels like she was raped by him. Karley then replies with a comment about how underage girls can be "selfish little cunts when they pull the statutory rape card". Which I just don't think is appropriate.

Firstly one of the reasons why I like Slutever is how much she empowers women with their sexuality, by setting an example of how she completely owns hers, but this comment completely goes against that. It seems like the girl was subject to the male gaze, having been objectified by her cousin who had been perving on her for years, as she is 17 and he is 23.. now he coulda been aged 20 perving on a 14 year old? Is that really okay?

 I know that older men can manipulate girls into thinking it is consensual (through the awful authority that patriarchy gives them in these situations). I say this from experience (generalization alert) but if the girl who was in a safe family environment, alcohol was around did something she later regretted which her older male cousin wanted her to do, it does seem a bit like she was pressured or coerced into it.  I don't think she is a "selfish cunt" for feeling regretful and violated. And I think Karley is wrong to call her that. Victim-blaming alert!

Secondly, the account written by the man could have manipulated the details, it is he who wrote in. To be fair to Karley, she does say "If things went down as you said they did then you are not a rapist" , which is good because it hints that his status of "not-being-a-rapist" depends on how honest he is being and is not a given. And this whole letter could be trying to reason with himself. But maybe Slutever could have made that part clearer, to show sympathy with the potential victim?

Now this is one of those awkward, not clear cut situations, and I appreciate it is difficult one, but I was just a bit dismayed about how much of a feminist Karley Sciortino isn't. A similar thing happened on her blog a while ago when some girl wrote in about being sexually harassed by men in the street, and Karley said something like 'enjoy it, older men are hot'. But she later apologised like a babe and was humble about it.

So this post is not intended to be attacking, just constructive criticism because I think sometimes Karley assumes that all women are strong and empowered like she is, and therefore able to enjoy weird perverted sex. And I would like it if all women were so empowered, but patriarchy still exists and loads of women are struggling to fight it, and comments such as this from Slutever (who I am sure girls look up to and idolise) can do more harm than good, because it turns into victim blaming and being okay with potentially shitty men.

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